where have you been?

I haven't written in this in a while. In the old days, I used to write in my xanga practically everyday and list all the inane things that I did that day - maybe even something meant to be inspirational in a superchristian manner. Those days have long since gone.

Here's a recap of life in the past month: The sky hasn't fallen, my parents are still divorced, the Earth is still spinning, Thanksgiving was delicious, there was a pregnancy scare, I finished all of my classes and am pretty much finished with school until the cap and gown thing, i wore a white shirt and pictures are up on facebook, fdu-barkada didn't have the big party that we were supposed to, Christmas was cool and low-key, my grandma turned 75, and i crocheted something for the first time in three years

anyways

Today, I pondered the war that is currently going on.
Years and years ago, in a less technological time, when a war was going on, society and life were very much dictated by wars. Things like butter, rubber, yeast, gasoline, and sugar were rationed. People wondered if they, their friends, brothers, and neighbors would be drafted. The radio and movie theaters provided vignettes of the goings on in Europe, Africa, and Asia.

These days, people act like news on the war gets in the way of their favorite shows. We complain about the cost of oil/gas going up when 30 years ago there would be periods when the only people allowed to fill up their gas tanks were police officers and on some days, gasoline was not even available. There's no need to worry about various products being rationed because there's always imported products and outsourcing that will provide all that we need.

By the way people, go buy yourself a gallon of milk for nearly $4.

Oh, and we're headed for an economic recession if you haven't already figured it out.

Have you ever noticed how American media has become more celebrity driven in the past 5 years. It's not an incredibly horrible thing. We all just like to be entertained and these entertainers are just forced to entertain even when they are just out trying to live their lives. Here comes one of my conspiracy theories: The reason that celebrities and pseudo-celebrities have gained so much attention lately is because the government wants to blind us and hide serious truths about what has been going on in the war and in Washington. I think that whenever you see a celebrity getting an incredible push into the public eye, it is because the government has dictated that to happen. Take for instance, Paris Hilton going to jail and all the hooplah that surrounded that - could that have been the only interesting thing going on that every major media outlet covered that for days?

think about it...



question authority

-TerrHimself

guitar....womp

I'm currently sitting on the sofa bed in the my mom's house. I really wish I had a guitar with me because it sucks not being able to play for a week. Part of me wants to go to a Walmart and buy a half crappy acoustic guitar to fiddle around with and just leave here. The other part of me realizes that I only ever come down to my mom's house (Sun City Center, FL) once a year.

I hope I get to hang out with some Florida people while I'm down here which is basically until Thanksgiving. My flight leaves around noon time on Friday.
I'm not feeling the radio stations in the Tampa area. NYC for the win.
Florida sunshine is giving me a headache and oddly enough, there are more stars where I live in New Jersey than there are here.

Give me the armpit of America any day.

-Terr

if you...

if you were to piss, fart, sneeze, and cough at the same time you could possibly die...
if you're a chick, add queef to that list...

think it over...

-Terr

if you...

if you were to piss, fart, sneeze, and cough at the same time you could possibly die...
think it over...

-Terr

Pot Holders

Dear pot holder,
I'm sorry that I took you for granted. You're more than just cotton and various synthetic fibers. I should have respected you more. Now, I've burned my finger and I'm holding one of Kaya's teething rings i found in the back of the freezer.

Sincerely,
Terr

P.S. I only dropped a couple of my tater tots.

anyone? nope

no one is online at 5:45am. it kinda blows.

i read entries from my old xangas. its a nice kick in the head to read crap from the person that you used to be. if i had a magic phonebooth to travel back in time i would tell myself the following:
-'this chick aint that into you'
-'this chick is crazy'
-'don't forget craig's birthday'
-'quit driving like an idiot'
-'those hawaiian shirts are fucking dope as hell'

if you don't know about me and the Hawaiian shirts you better ask somebody lol

there are some movies that i just can't watch anymore.
-and there are some movies that i have to watch when they're on the tv

i wonder what pictures from saturday night look like

come find me in the fitness center at fdu


-terr

Farewell

Don't turn the light off
I want to see you leave.
Once you're gone
I can be happy again.
I'm always better when you're not around.
Egg shells aren't where my foot goes down.
There will be no more bags under my eyes.
I will rest easy now that you're not
Taking up the entire bed.
There can be no more leashes or collars,
No whips for you to break me down.
I'll be better when you're gone.

I'm putting the keys on the table.
I feel the hole you burn into my back.
There will be no more shouting soon.
My ears will be filled with laughter
And the smile will return in time.
My throat is parched and
Parts of me are dry where
Water will never reach.
My makeup is smeared and
The mascara flows down with the tears.
Waterproof, the label says,
But its not painproof.
I'll be better when I'm gone.

And by the way,
You owe me a new cell phone.
It broke when you threw it at me.
You turned away right after.
In case you didn't see,
Most of it landed in the fish tank.

flesh anyone?

I've been trying to lose some weight and have switched to a pescatarian diet. I've been more strict with it lately and haven't consumed any land animals in 2 weeks. Well today I had a sausage/bacon/egg/cheese crossainwich from BK and a hamburger and chicken nuggets from WhiteCastle and now my body fucking hates me....
what a smart move....


www.kentuckyfriedcruelty.com
hard to watch and think about since i fucking love fried chicken esp the extra crispy legs and thighs from KFC.....hmmmmmm


Today's thought
Somethings that were a cool idea that didn't work out too well:
-Communism
-those fucking heely shoes


Lyrics have taken a back seat to various assignments for school which have been pretty fun. I'll share those soon.



-Terr

RIP?

my amp crapped out on me...
i won't be putting up any recordings anytime soon which sucks....

i haven't been feeling creative at all lately...
nothing new in my composition books....

being told, "I hate you," by 4 different people in the same day for the same reason is pretty cool...

has anyone else seen LA INK? those chicks look pretty tastey...

www.youtube.com/terrhimself


-Terr

open mic

"This is my first solo performance and open mic so if i suck, LIE TO ME...."


butchered the first song - "on the arrow" by AFI
rough start on the second song, but fairly strong finish - "Confession" - Terrence

i won't be putting up the video any time soon so don't ask, but i will put up a rough recording of my song in the near future - hopefully some time this week


-Terr

cravings

i still haven't had my coconut juice...
my new craving is red velvet cake...
you know, a lot of times, if you don't have something that you've been wanting for a long ass time, the experience of having it again is orgasmic. its like the concept of fasting. you fast from something and the process leads to enlightenment.

i have found that i have some what of an addictive personality. i can have a little of something and crave it for the next few weeks/months. it can be food, drinks, video games, people; once i get a taste i'll want it and want it and want it. its why i have been to WhiteCastle so many times in the past 2 weeks; why i have been craving red velvet cake since Monday; why i've been having so many burritos from qDoba & Chipotle; why certain girls have been haunting my thoughts; why i have been drinking (not in excess lately so dont worry).....

oh well...i'm getting paid tomorrow and i'll be able to see about getting some juice

for quite a few reasons, this past week has lead me to contemplate the past 3-4 years. so odd. i can barely imagine the next 3 years.

in other news

fusion ti in edison is having an openmic on sunday the 12th and guess who will be playing a couple songs?


-Terr

square peg vs triangle hole

satisfaction is a beautiful thing
chopsticks are fun, you'll see
i really really want some coconut juice, so if you're at a store and you see some and you know that you'll be seeing me, please buy it for me and you'll be handsomely rewarded. i promise

rough recordings would have been up already but the microphone on my laptop is halfway lame and i keep forgetting to buy the input adapter for my 1/4in plugs...and i was even in GuitarCenter the other day :(

twas a rough day....next week will be a rough week

i'll be God'ing it up this weekend...Conference time is here

Don't get me wrong, i still have many qualms with the community and still questioning things but i'm trying to figure shit out....


may the rock be with you.....

5th meal = bullsh*t

i want the satisfaction of getting exactly what i want....
at least i have my banana milkshake....


and i think i'll be getting something i want on sunday...*crosses finger*



-Terr

on my chest

I let Paki out for the night and i babysat Kaya. She woke up several times during the night. I let her cry for a couple minutes to see if she would go to sleep on her own, but didn't and so she fell asleep on my chest three times. We watched an episode of THE OC on tivo - rachel bilson and a pre-drugged up micha barton mmmmmmmmm
lol


i didn't get much work done tonight but i am nearly finished with one song that i am very fond/proud of...and another song was started....
a music myspace will be born in the very near future as well as some open-mic dates and maybe even a damn show!

my hands smell like bubble gum
braeburn apples are yummytastic

black <3 with sparkles
-Terr

The numbers are spinning

Dear yourself,
You were making such good progress. What happened?
Yeah so you were doing the low-carb thing for a while and money got tight and pasta is pretty cheap, but you have to atleast start going to the park again. 2 weeks is way too long to stop excersizing.
30 pounds by your birthday...you can totally do it dude.

Maybe if you woke up earlier you could run to the gym before work - but call the fitness center to make sure what time they open and close.
And you have to start sleeping more. You're starting to feel it more now aren't you? It is getting ridiulous. You didn't use to be tired at work so often and quickly. Try avoiding sunsets - they're not what they used to be - its not like back in Linwood. You should be sleeping before the birds start chirping.
You don't know what you're doing this weekend so don't count too much on taking Saturday off and sleeping in. Same thing goes for Sunday.

You still have to give Paki money for PSE&G and Cable and make your credit card payment soon. And gas is still pricey even though it went down a few cents. So keep your eating out to a minimum. QDoba or Chipotle only once a week if even. And try to mend your pants if you don't feel like buying a new pair - if you do, then wait till after next week.

-Terrhimself

PS: to everyone else reading this LEAVE A COMMENT!!!

slowly melting...slowly fading

what a halfway crappy weekend...
I'm not going into details here, so just ask if me about it if you're compelled to do so.

There is a special feeling you get when you feel unwelcomed and you know that you're outnumbered.

I did manage to see a couple old faces. This was quite enjoyable. I should find venture to Garfield and Brooklyn more often. Nathalie says she'd do my hair, but I might just let that wait until next month. Hopefully, I'll get darling Elvis to trim my hair a bit before I let Nathalie toy with it.
I think I've fallen in love...
...with the Loreal hair-care products that Paki bought...jeez people relax...

I swear if its not one vice, its another...
Damn those delicious zeppoles that melt in your mouth.
If I'm not craving/eating something sweet, then its something salty....if not salty, then its something a bit savory...
I really wish that chewing gum from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory existed - you know, the one with all the foods. I'm not concerned about the whole blueberry thing. I happen to be fond of blueberries

i hope to be getting my morpher back soon...
damnit craig..

I think I hate most of the lyrics in my old notebook. I would say a good 70-80% of them should go in the trash. I've started a new notebook. Kudos to Kristine K. for the dope x-mas gift(s) that I'm putting to use...
Music myspace and shows hopefully by the end of June.

nibble nibble nibble

its a little past 4am....
I just ate a banana, but I am really craving some GirlScout cookies; specifically some ThinMints. So, if you or anyone you know - a sister, cousin, niece, etc - is a GirlScout and is selling cookies, let me know.

I'm sorta starting to pray again...its kind of odd...
there's 2 girls that i recently met (+ one that i've known for a bit) that kinda nudged me to it....
I know there's more to being Christian than just praying and such. I used to be a pretty hardcore into the life and such. I'm not the person i was when I joined YFC nor am I the same person that I was when I left. I'm not even sure what I'm looking to get out of any of this. I mean, I've been fairly content with life and haven't felt like i've been missing anything or a sense of belonging or anything of the sort.
For the past few years i've just be trying to examine what there is and the words that I once said. I mean as long as you live a fairly good life, you'll be fine no matter what you believe. And if anything, atleast you weren't too much of an asshole ya kno?
Sunny and Yurina said that you never really leave it, I suppose its true...
who knows, maybe i'll try going to church one of these days....it'd be the first time in more than a year lol
I'm not entirely sure if anything i'm saying makes any sense....
How much sense can you make at 4:30am?


i have some interesting thoughts on time travel if you'd like to talk about that

Dream > Reality

Lately, I've been having those really good dreams that are so good that you're depressed when you wake up. Some dreams just won't come true and that fucking sucks.

Finals and Final project due dates are coming soon and i'm losing motivation. I've been setting time aside to work on stuff and i just havent wanted to deal with it. This is not good.
2 1/2 weeks of school left. I have to put my vocal lessons on the back burner until this is through.


UGH! THESE FUCKING DREAMS!

Cuz this is thriller!

You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to turn on CNN and see a zombie outbreak in DC. I just think it would be kind of fun to see zombies all over the Lincoln Memorial and that Reflecting pool thing. All those knucklehead 8th grade kids on field trips, all them old senators, and foreign-dignitaries running for their lives.

DC was pretty chill. Maybe i'll get a chance to go back down to that area in the summer or something. Catch a show and maybe do an open-mic at Gargoyles.

New material is going pretty well, by the way.

-TerrHimself

pen vs paper

i'm oddly finding it easier to put pen to paper and write lyrics...
i might not like what i end up after a few minutes, but i'm not looking for intial perfection...
thats what rough drafts are for...
i guess i did learn stuff in Benson's class last semester...

i started something today...feels kinda like a quick waltz of some sortz...this could be interesting...

sticky is my new funny word...
corn is my new funny vegetable...

changes are happening....its interesting...

Pak gave me some nail polish today...how fun!

-TerrHimself

ZzzzZzz.....

i was hoping to use Spring Break to get a hold of this whole sleeping thing....
it didn't quite work as well as i was hoping it would....
not well at all...
i should have utilized all this time that I've been awake better...like reading or something....

something relatively intelligent will be posted here soon, i swear....

-TerrHimself

?

i'm not entirely sure why i started this...
i have a perfectly fine xangamabob off over there, in that direction....
...but something new isn't so bad, right?