home for the holidays

For many people, home is where they grew up, where there parents live, where the family gathers for holidays and such. I've been trying to get a handle on this whole home thing for a while now.

Two years ago my mother got married and moved out to Florida and shortly after, I moved out of the apartment that I grew up in. I didn't think too much about it at the time since I was living with my sister and her baby. I also didn't think too much about it because I had been thinking of my girlfriend's home in Florida as my own. There was a mom who cooked, a dad working in the garage, a dog to play with and feed bacon and spam when no one was looking, a front lawn to be mowed, a pool in the backyard, and a warm body sleeping next to me.

Well as is the case with all good things, the girlfriend didn't last and neither did my idea of a home. After that happened, it took me a while, but I decided that where ever my family was - especially my sister and the kid - that was my home. It was nice. I would work, pick up Kaya, play with her, go home, eat dinner with my sister, and do my thing. Some nights we'd pick eat out with Craig or pick up pizza for my sister on the way home. Some nights we'd color together after dinner or watch DWTS, Am.Idol, or Jon&Kate+8, or some other show. I'd always give her a kiss good night. On weekend mornings Kaya would wake me up if it was pancake-Saturday or to color or play. And then eventually, that ended too. They moved to their own place and I picked up the lease, stayed and got a couple roommates.

I was walking home from the bank and ended up seeing houses with cars in the drive way and big Christmas trees in the window. It messed me up a little and made me walk slower. Made me homesick for a place that only exists in my mind. Familiar smells from the kitchen. Kaya laughing in the living room. The lame white 4 foot tree placed on the coffee table and adorned with Neiman Marcus ornaments bought for 80% off after various new years sales.

I'm bumming myself out.

For all those headed for the polls

If you intend to vote Tuesday/today,

You better know what the fuck you are doing. If you don't know what a particular candidate supposedly stands for or what the proposition is saying, STAY YOUR DUMB ASS AT HOME!

If you need some help:







how bout you just stay home? how about that?

getting stuck

Hot damn. It is insanely easy to get stuck in a half crappy job. When I was let go from my previous job in March and was picked up by the one I have now, it was only supposed to be for a little while. It was only supposed to be so that I can pay my rent and bills until I found a new job. My acquaintance that gave me this job knew about the situation.
When I tried to leave, my store gave me more money. They told me that they needed me. We all started to become friends and I felt obligated to stay. So I stayed.
I accepted my fairly ok/lousy pay, new connections, and that was that.
I've enjoyed the job security and structure of the operation at the cost of continuing my job search. That was probably my own fault.
I've been with the company for 6 months now. The store closed, we're doing everything online and over the phone, and my position of Manager-technician is now Manager-sales rep. I'm back working sales which is something I don't particularly enjoy. Although, I've made it well known of my intentions to leave and have been tirelessly scouring the internet for a new job, my boss still likes to include me in future plans.


To the random people that are reading this and are looking for jobs too, keep hope alive. My friend just landed a job and it took him 2 weeks to solidify it and he was without a job for quite a while. Fortunately he's in a totally different industry so it's not like we were going after the same job.
I think I'm gonna put up a random post on my xanga so go find it!

growing up...forreal? damn

OK, well I graduated a week ago today. I officially have a Bachelors of Arts in English from FDU. That's pretty wild. I feel the dark cloud of adulthood looming over me.

I have an interesting few months ahead of me.

more news soon.


-Terr

van!!!!!!!!

UCK...

got home from the city an hour ago, not even a bar...
I had to present a check to a charity that my school's Filipino club raised money for. Left early, the car barely started, went down a block and a half and the car fucking died. Took about 2 hours for road side assistance to come and give me a boost - we all thought it was the battery. I drive 2 more blocks and the car fucking died again. Got some dude to give me a boost, and it died less than half a block away. I called the 1st company that came and they were like, "its probably the alternator, we can't help you, call your insurance company again and have them send a tow truck - CLICK" Called roadside assistance and 2 hours and $88 later, I get the van back to Ft.Lee.

And somewhere between getting the 2nd boost, pushing my van to the curb, and calling for the tow truck, I cracked the screen on my cellphone

the damn van also failed emissions test last month and apparently it costs $650 to fix that. It would also cost another $200 to replace a missing bushing on my sway bar. $200 for a piece of rubber? WTF? REALLY?.

And yesterday I was finally emailed by FDU's risk management dept about a being reimbursed for my broken laptop. An improperly stored hickory tabletop that was leaning on a wall fell on my laptop bag and cracked the screen hardcore. The damage is $650 to repair. The laptop only cost $750...womp womp. The school is saying they're not responsible because they say that the table couldn't have fallen on its own (which it did) and they can't cover the damage of my personal property even though it was damaged by University property.

oh and i also got a $40 ticket from S.Orange for street parking after 9am which apparently is a no-no


and i just said, "no-no."

Fuck my life lol

if the zombie apocalypse was tomorrow, i would be happy as hell lol
_________________

chillin

So yeaaaa....
FDU'S BARRIO went really well. Prepping for it kinda took over my life for a while, but it was pretty much worth it. It went so well and smooth that a couple of us had to stop for a second:
"Yo, is the show going by this smoothly?"
-"Oh my God! It is!"

Here's some of what you missed:
just click on the pictures because the size got weird when i posted them here and i don't feel fixing it.






there's some videos up on facebook, so if you're hip, i'm sure you'll find them

writing w/ ray is going slow but well...i rearranged my attic and it feels really fun to practice now...
I don't have much else to say these days...

-Terr

check, check, and check

[x]monday - pizza
[x]wednesday - sushi
[x]friday - fruit roll ups
I was able to take care of all the cravings I've had for the past couple weeks. My tummy is pleased.

I'm feeling close to 100% but I'm still coughing a bit and its been taking about 1-2 hours for my speaking voice to be normal. My singing range is still messed up but it's getting there.

I landed this full time gig refilling ink and toner cartridges while I continue to get my shit together. I've applied to a couple more spots that would allow me to make use of that English degree so I'm hoping that something good happens with that.

With the results of last night's America's Best Dance Crew, I've come to the conclusion that America does not know how to vote - for anything.



If you're reading this and you'll be in the NY/NJ Metropolitan area, on March 29th at the Wuzzup Cafe in Bergenfield, you'll be able to buy me at a date auction. I'll be the guy with the best hair there.

-Terr

Would you like fries with that?

My previous entry was titled, "Still Searching..." Well now that can be in reference to a new job. So I was released from my sales job recently and unfortunately I was not able to fall back on my fall back job. Apparently things have been really slow at my old store and cannot take me back at the current time. Womp. I've been scouring a whole bunch of these job search sites and sending out my resume so hopefully I'll hear from someone soon. Although I will if I have to, I'd really prefer not to be flinging burgers and fries again. I'm sure this English degree can be of more use to me than just something to cover up the hole in my wall. Not that I actually have my degree yet, I don't get to put my grubby hands on that until May, but you get what I'm saying.

Being sick and guzzling teas and medicine have screwed up my sleep cycle. I am feeling better and can function in society fairly well. Airborne is magic - I don't care what anybody else says. I've been told that people don't like it when you cough on them when they're interviewing you.

Music is being written and Ray and I hope to be doing more writing and some recording during his springbreak. So here's hoping that I don't have always have to have a real job.


-Terr

still searching...

...for a lot of things previously mentioned.

As far as my job goes. It's ok. I like to think that I'm doing better and that now I'm only half-crappy at it. I've found some things that work for me, but for the most part it feels like gambling in that sometimes you just get dealt really shitty hands. I'm sure its not exactly that way since people have found their own systems and what work well for them.
It's still my 1st sales job. I still don't like thinking that I'm in an office because I switched out of being a marketing major to avoid offices and cubicles. The atmosphere is more laid back than my last office job (2002) and I don't have to get super dressed up so thats a plus. At least when I interned at the menswear company they gave me free clothes regularly because I wore the same size as the mannequins and sometimes showroom models flake out and don't show up.

My company threw me a curve ball last week and I just happen to suck at batting. It's wacksauce and super frustrating. I have to look into other financial options, because these bills are paying going to go away.

With complete honesty, life kinda sucks right now.
But the show must go on and the rest of the world doesn't care about how much life sucks for you unless you can turn that an awesome song, book, or movie.


I miss simplicity. Bruce Lee said something along the lines of the shortest distance between two places is the simplest. And that "simplicity is brilliance."

-Terr

up and down

Life has been really up and down lately. I haven't figured out why, but I'm sure things would start to even out a smidgen if I did. It friggin sucks so bad. I've been feeling really out of it lately too. If there was drugs or alcohol involved in that, I would feel better because then there would be a legitimate reason.

I'm looking for personal enlightenment. I've even gone as far as to have Shar do a couple tarot card readings. None of the readings have done anything other than tell me things that I already know or acknowledge. Maybe I can get my brother to take me to see a Santeria lady.

Friends and simple pleasures do help though so thank goodness for that.

I hope something good happens soon.



The show must go on

-Terr

ZzzzZZzzzzz

I don't know how I'm supposed to sleep tonight. I've had 2 consecutive nights of great sleep.

I almost forgot what it all felt like.


&hearts Terr

its been a long time

since i left you. without a dope beat to step to.

tom brady cried like a little girl. eli manning for the win.

red team for the win.

it's been a while since i've written scripts and i kinda forgot how to format them. luckily i still have my script writing book. i should go back to working on my screen play. JUICE. thats not the title, but it does involve juice of some kind. ask craig. it's all we talked about this past summer.

Legends and Pros is coming along quite nicely. www.myspace.com/legendsandPros until we get our website completely up and running.

i'm quite tired.
i have nothing of real value to say right now.
i hope this week goes well.

-Terr

thoughts on my new job

So I've been at my new job for two weeks now. I hate the idea that I'm working an office job. Right now what I'm doing in my department is basically telemarketing. I get companies to agree to let me send them some free samples of my company's shit and a gift card and then if they dig it, they buy more shit from the other department. I kinda suck at it right now. I haven't really figured out an angle to approach it that works often. Girls tend to be somewhat awesome at it since they can be bubbly or flirtatious.

It's like this. When you're recording a track, you end up repeating a segment/phrase what feels like a million times before you get it right. That's basically what I'm doing at this job - just for 35 hours a week.

I also need to figure out how to really rock out with this and or get a 2nd job.


Buy some savings bonds now

-Terr

two blogs in 1 week?

Today is going to be my last day working at The UPS Store. I'm not sure if it has really hit me yet. I started working there January 2003 right after i got my first speeding ticket. (No, I didn't work there 5 years straight. From Sept03-May04 I didn't work at all)

It's kinda nuts thinking about it - a little scary too, this whole growing up thing. I just finished school, I'm being almost completely financially cut off from my mom (except for medical insurance until I get a job with full coverage or i turn 25), and now I'm entering the working world. The whole idea is unsettling on account that its not like i majored in something that has direct correlation to a vocation as if i majored in nursing or accounting. I have a BA in English w/ a Writing concentration (or will have it officially in May) so that can lead to all sorts of interesting kinds of shit.


I start my new job at Rubachem on Tuesday. Think of it as Dunder Mifflin (NBC's The Office). I'll be working as a salesman. Hopefully that cute Asian chick that the boss introduced me to is still around.

And this weekend I'm going to have a little meeting with some guys that want my ideas for a website about entertainment industry pros. They want to pay me to do some writing and possibly work with them as they develop the site. The site they want to make features not only the actors, singers, writers, directors, and producers, but the camera, sound, and all those other names in the credits that no one hardly notices.

This whole growing up thing is coming about a little to quickly. Fuck this, I'm going downstairs to watch The Mighty Ducks....

QUACK QUACK QUACK



-Terr

clogged and jacked

Ray and I started working on some stuff last night. After two hours of tinkering around on nothing, we spent an hour starting on two songs. So simple, but it'll make your danger zones quiver.

I stopped in at Checkers in Jersey City on the way home. Every visit there is like playing Russian Roulette with my insides. Thankfully my food was relatively untainted and I am OK.

However, my nose is currently clogged and my vocal chords are jacked right now. Kaya was sick last week and I wasn't taking airborne until a little while ago so I think I might be coming down with whatever she just had. I think it was some form of the flu. It would suck if I got the flu because I'm supposed to start my new job next week. Getting sick in general would be wack.


WHAMcore

-Terr