What to do with the rest of my life...

No, I'm not going through any "quarter life crisis" or any kind of crisis for that matter. Mostly, just contemplating how I've been spending the bulk of my time lately. Oh, and I love it.

This past weekend, I got to spend some time with someone that I haven't seen in many years. This person is incredibly bright, articulate, and a joy to be around. The only thing missing is their drive and motivation. How well does this person do the things needed to be done and why do them? How fulfilled are they?  

As I time went on with them on a beautiful Saturday, I saw that this person was going through the motions. My friend went day to day, job to job, doing what was needed to be done so long that rent and bills were paid and the ocassional good time was had. While that's all well and good for many people, this could never be the way I live my life.

A question that I've heard time and time again in real life and in movies is, "If money was no object, what would you do with your life?" Its a question often posed to people trying to pick a major in college/university or speciality in a vocational school. The underlying idea is that you figure out what it is you love doing and then do it. I think about this question frequently.  

I don't think about it in a "What do I love to do?" kind of way, but in a "Wow, I'm doing what I love!" kind of way. I've been fortunate enough to have had teachers and mentors over the years that have shown me that their fulfillment came from doing what they love and sharing it.  And while times do get tough, they've soldiered on. 

If you don't know me personally, I teach Filipino Martial Arts, I'm also the founder and editor-in-chief of a popculture website, and I currently have a day job in business development/management consulting. Everything I do, has to do with what I love - which when I break it down is about sharing love, talent, and knowledge. For me, teaching FMA is about sharing my love of my heritage while leading myself and others to developing physically, mentally, and spiritually. The website I started with my friends is about our love of "geeky/nerdy" things and encouraging others to express and share their love despite societal "norms." My 9-5'er is about helping business owners lead their staff and run their businesses effectively so they can get back to doing the craft that they love doing.

So that whole "do what you love and the money will follow" thing? I'm doing what I love. I have various professional goals in the things that I do and I love pursuing them. And the money? That'll happen when its meant to happen. 

And to my teachers, thank you for sharing the things you love with me and inspiring me to do the same.

And yes, after writing this, I was reminded of "OFFICE SPACE"

Stepping upto the soapbox for a sec.

Today, I spent the minutes that I could spare reading the news and reading everyone's tweets and Facebook statuses regarding the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School. I've taught in an early learning center and after school program, i have elementary aged students who I train, have family members in elementary school, family members who are teachers, and have helped to raise my older sister's

daughter who is the light of my life. I can only imagine a fraction of what the families of those children are really going through. My thoughts and prayers are with them.

Events like these have become quite frequent and every time it happens I hear a cry for Gun Control and the subsequent response of the Pro-Gun/2nd Amendment groups. I often hear things like, "Well if someone there had a gun they could've shot the bad guy!" and "That guy shouldn't have had a gun. We need GUN CONTROL! Get rid of all the guns!!!!" We need to look at situations like this as calmly and objectively as possible. If we are going to look at this as an epidemic, we need to treat is as such. We can't just treat symptoms. We need to cure the disease. If we take guns out of the hands of the bad guys and the mentally unstable, then we still have those same people and they can still do bad things in a different way.

In my opinion, too many people are not taught to lead their own lives. They are taught to rely on the government, a deity(deities), or someone else to make things better. This creates people who do not know how to their solve problems. When people who don't know how to help themselves realize that the system they relied on failed them, they become bitter, resentful, and often times violent. What makes someone do bad things is their inability to deal with situations in a constructive manner. If a person can't be constructive, they will become destructive.

The people that can't effectively lead their own lives and are mentally unstable are slipping through the cracks. These people need help and are often misdiagnosed and then mistreated. Often times they are turned away by people and a system that can't/won't help them. There has to be a way to fix that.

We can't expect the politicians or law enforcement officers to swoop in and save the day. We have to save ourselves and each other. We can't keep settling for the lowest common denominator. We have to get better as a society...as a community.

i never write prose anymore

based on actual events:


The lights in the theater dimmed as the opening credits began to roll. She leaned over and snaked her arm between mine and the arm rest. She nuzzled into me and let her head rest on me. I wondered if she was going to fall asleep before we met the leading man’s goofy best-friend or we found out the delightful character flaws of the leading lady. She had a long day at work and assisted in two surgeries - I wouldn’t have been surprised if she dozed off before they showed a make-out montage.


I exhaled slow and tried to recall the last time I held anyone’s hand in a movie theater. Two years? Maybe three?


She embraced my arm tight as she readjusted herself. I could tell she was about to whisper something in my ear. Her breath is warm and soothing on my neck and I can feel her lips just millimeters from my ear.

“Your shoulder is boney.”

"What?"

Courting Josephine, Warrior Princess of the Philippines

There are several stories surrounding Princess Josephine/Josephina going around the FMA world and the Philippines. As most oral stories go the details get blurred, exaggerated, meshed together with other stories, etc.

The following is my transcription of a portion of a lecture by Gura Rosie Abriam during the "Filipino Martial Arts: From Kali and Eskrima to Boxing" seminar at The Smithsonian Museum on October 27, 2010:



So a long, long time ago, in the southern islands, which is now known as the Philippines...there was a chief and he was so joyous because his wife just had a baby. And all the towns people they rejoiced with him because he was a very kind chief…He had waited for such a long time to have children that of course it was natural that he would surround his daughter with attendants who were warriors and scholars so that they could protect her and also to teach her.


And while she was growing up it wasn’t unusual to see her walking around the town with these scholars and with these warriors and going outside the region to check the land and to learn about the land [and] to learn about the people. And she too became well loved because she could smell and she could taste which family made this dish just by knowing, “Well you know, this family they prefer this type of spice,” and “That family, they prefer salting it a little bit.” And she also knew - she could tell, “Oh this mango came from the grove down by the river because they’re a little sweeter there and a little rounder.” And she was loved because she learned how to make medicines from herbs and plants. And as a result, when she heard somebody in the town coughing or she heard a hoarseness in their voice, she would mix them up a remedy and send it to them to help them. And this brought her closer and dearer to the townsfolk.


When the time came for her to marry, the townsfolk knew that it would have to be someone very special, but they were dismayed when the chief declared that the person who would marry Princess Josephine would be the person who could best their most fierce warrior. And they knew, they knew then, that this person would have to come from outside the region because their best warrior had beat everybody in town. And so they were kind of worried to have an outsider to come into their town and they weren’t sure how that would play out. Soon they found, as the years wore on, and nobody was able to beat their best warrior, then they came to say “Ok, we really do want Princess Josephine to marry,” and so they opened up their hearts to whoever came in.


So the story goes, that this one young man, came up and he was very good in whatever region he come from, but what he really came for is because he wanted to provide for his parents and for his siblings and he knew that if he married Princess Josephine, that would be a way for him to do that. So he came up to the chief and he said, “You know, I would like to fight with your best warrior because I want to marry Princess Josephine.”


And the chief, recognizing the sincerity of this man’s heart, said, “Well you realize, if you fail you have to stay here in the town and you are committed to serve Princess Josephine for the rest of your life.”


So the young man took it in and he said, “Yes, I will do that,” because he was confident that he could beat the warrior.


So as the day wore on, he was told that he needed to go down to the river where the women wash their clothes and there the warrior would meet him. So he was a smart guy, and so what he did was go, “I’m going to check the place out first and maybe I’ll catch a glimpse of the warrior and maybe learn some of his secrets.” And so he went there a little earlier and he crouched down and he was hiding and all he saw was women. Women coming in to wash and then they left. And more women came in to wash and then they left. And he was getting tired and the sun was coming up [over head]…– he cursed himself for not bringing any food or water with him.


And then when he was going to get up and leave he saw Princess Josephine coming with her attendants. And he thought, “Oh, she’s coming to watch the match!” so he didn’t want to get up. So he stayed there until the time for the match came and still the warrior didn’t come.


So he was still standing there…getting cramped and tired and finally he was a little bit enraged that he was treated so disrespectfully. So he jumped down and said, “Where is this warrior that I am to fight?”


And instead of people being surprised, instead, what happened was the women and the entourage formed a circle around him and Princess Josephine. And he was a little bit confused by that and very much surprised. And then he heard, “Hit me!” And he felt a tap on his shoulder. And he realized Princess Josephine had hit him with her walking stick. And he was a little surprised by that, so he turned to face her and once again she said, “Hit me!”


And as she walked by she hit him harder on his shoulder and he realized, “Is this the warrior I’m to fight?”


So for a third time, he was still surprised, he heard her say, “Hit me!” And this time he saw her come up and he parried her stroke as she came down and as he parried, she changed up and hit him on the legs so that he kind of fell.


The story goes that the battle waged for about an hour until, finally, princess Josephine hearing his ragged breath she went ahead and she disarmed him and then she hit him on the side so that he fell to his knees. And he tapped himself out saying, “Ok, yeah, the battle is over.” So as he looked up at Princess Josephine, once again he was surprised because he saw that she was blind.

____________________________________________________________

http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/10460574
26:44 - 32:22


This was just a small portion of Gura Rosie Abriam's lecture and I encourage you to check out the rest of it as well as the other lectures in the video link.





- Terr

i hardly use this thing anymore

I might start blogging more often.

The 12 Whedony Days of Christmas

Earlier today, the lovely Julia (Twitter.com/XLadyJackal)suggested that a Whedony version of "The 12 Days of Christmas" be created. Through a collaborative effort of our friends and Whedony chat contributors, this is what we came up:

The Twelve Whedony Days of Christmas


"On the first day of Christmas, Joss Whedon gave to me...
A space ship, called Serenity.

On the second day of Christmas, Joss Whedon gave to me...
Two vamps with souls,
And a space ship, called Serenity.

On the third day of Christmas, Joss Whedon gave to me...
Three flowers in-a vase,
Two vamps with souls,
And a space ship, called Serenity.

On the fourth day of Christmas, Joss Whedon gave to me...
Four sharp stakes,
Three flowers in-a vase,
Two vamps with souls,
And a space ship, called Serenity.

On the fifth day of Christmas, Joss Whedon gave to me...
Five freeze ray beams!
Four sharp stakes,
Three flowers in-a vase,
Two vamps with souls,
And a space ship, called Serenity.

On the sixth day of Christmas, Joss Whedon gave to me...
Six gents a' floatin',
Five freeze ray beams!
Four sharp stakes,
Three flowers in-a vase,
Two vamps with souls,
And a space ship, called Serenity.

On the seventh day of Christmas, Joss Whedon gave to me...
Seven minds a' wipin',
Six gents a' floatin',
Five freeze ray beams!
Four sharp stakes,
Three flowers in-a vase,
Two vamps with souls,
And a space ship, called Serenity.

On the eighth day of Christmas, Joss Whedon gave to me...
Eight laywers dying,
Seven minds a' wipin',
Six gents a' floatin',
Five freeze ray beams!
Four sharp stakes,
Three flowers in-a vase,
Two vamps with souls,
And a space ship, called Serenity.

On the ninth day of Christmas, Joss Whedon gave to me...
Nine watchers watching',
Eight laywers dying,
Seven minds a' wipin',
Six gents a' floatin',
Five freeze ray beams!
Four sharp stakes,
Three flowers in-a vase,
Two vamps with souls,
And a space ship, called Serenity.

On the tenth day of Christmas, Joss Whedon gave to me...
Ten potentials whining,
Nine watchers watching',
Eight laywers dying,
Seven minds a' wipin',
Six gents a' floatin',
Five freeze ray beams!
Four sharp stakes,
Three flowers in-a vase,
Two vamps with souls,
And a space ship, called Serenity.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, Joss Whedon gave to me...
Eleven hammers hammering,
Ten potentials whining,
Nine watchers watching',
Eight laywers dying,
Seven minds a' wipin',
Six gents a' floatin',
Five freeze ray beams!
Four sharp stakes,
Three flowers in-a vase,
Two vamps with souls,
And a space ship, called Serenity.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Joss Whedon gave to me...
Twelve Hellmouths opening!
Eleven hammers hammering,
Ten potentials whining,
Nine watchers watching',
Eight laywers dying,
Seven minds a' wipin',
Six gents a' floatin',
Five freeze ray beams!
Four sharp stakes,
Three flowers in-a vase,
Two vamps with souls,
And a space ship, called Serenity."







Lyrics were taken from tweets that were RT'ed by Julia.
I tried spreading out the love for each of Joss' works.

Some alternate lyrics were
-2 pointy fangs
-3 vengeance demons
-7 slayers slaying

Final lyrics subject to Julia's approval.

Thank you to all those that contributed.
There is a fun project in the works.
We'll keep you posted via Twitter.


As usual, please join us every Monday night at 9pm-10pm EST. for the official #Whedony hashtag chat on Twitter. Details can be found at Twitter.com/Whedony


-Terr

Terr's NYC

I'm not a New Yorker. Nor do I really pretend to be, but I'm in NYC frequently for various reasons. Since I live so close to the city I'm frequently asked to share some must-do/eats that I know of. soooo here's my attempt - this is not a definitive list by any means, but when I take people around, this is what happens:

Breakfast
-I don't know. I'm a believer that you should eat whatever you want at whatever time of the day so I'm not of real use. Stop in wherever is convenient - Starbucks is acceptable, I suppose.

If you're not from the area and it'll be a while to you can come around again, walk down 42nd Street and around Time Square. I'm not terribly fond of it myself, but its flashy and loud and worth taking pictures for a little while. JUST PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF *INSERT DIETY* DO NOT STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET THAT YOU ARE CROSSING TO TAKE PICTURES.
There's huge chunks of street around Time Square that are blocked off for this purpose. Heck you can even buy yourself a snack and sit at one of the lil tables there.
Also the New Years Eve Ball is there 365 days a year so that's somewhat interesting.
If you're lucky and its a weekday morning in the summer, walk down a couple more blocks on 42nd and 5th to Bryant Park and you might catch a free show of some sort.

If you like big name shops and stores, walk up 5th Ave and poke around or just window shop.
If you're there and you're Catholic and or just like architecture, St.Paul's Cathedral is just up the way. Say some prayers, light some candles or just walk around in awe of the building itself.


If you happen to be around Radio City or Rockefeller Center and looking for a quick cheap lunch the Halal "Chicken&Rice" carts on 53rd&6th are decent. Its' basically chicke or lamb on seasoned rice, ice berg lettuce, pita bread, and a selection of special sauces - get the white sauce (i believe is yogurt based, not mayo) I know people that rave on and on about it. It's OK. They also have lamb, and if you're vegetarian there's a dude on the other side of the block with Falafel - that's where you'd find me.

It's not in the general vicinity and of midtown, but if you're driving or will take a cab, check out the Metropolitan Museum of Art. That's always cool. If I remember correctly, they have this really cool wing that is devoted to suits of armor and weaponry and stuff. It's been a while, but I think there's a good pizza spot a few blocks away on 82nd an Lexington

If you have kids with you, take them to the American Museum of Natural History. They have dinosaurs and this really cool blue whale hanging from the ceiling in one of the rooms - shit now i want to go to that one.

If you go to either of these museums you'll be right next to Central Park which can be interesting.
If you're a Beatles fan, check out Strawberry Fields Memorial by the W. 72nd Street entrance across from the Dakota Apartments where Lennon lived.
If you like movies or tv shows that take place in NYC, go check out Bethesda Fountain. It should be along that same route on 72nd street, but i may be mistaken. Godspell, One Fine Day, Gossip Girl, Ransom, Enchanted, Home Alone 2 all have scenes there.




Places to Eat
-Hop Kee in Chinatown on Mott St. They have a great menu and if you're truly familiar
with Chinese cuisine, you can order from the Secret Menu. Here's the big secret, its not written down, tell them what you want in Chinese, and they'll hook it up for you.
-Magnolia bakery - 401 Bleecker Street - You like cupcakes don't you?
-Cupcake Stop - Think ice cream truck, but gourmet cupcakes instead - find them on twitter with their daily specials - they often have vegan and celiac friendly cupcakes that are delicious. Twitter.com/CupcakeStop
-Grays Papaya - Hot dog place featured in many movies and such. hotdogs are good and the juices/punches are even better. several locations and don't be fooled by Papaya King or Papaya Dog.
-The Meatball Shop on 84 Stanton St. it has mine and Kevin Smith's approval, and we're chubby guys and chubby guys know food.
-Junior's Cheesecake - P.Diddy likes them. I like them. You should like them.
-Shake Shack - some of the best burgers in NYC - think 5guys, but better. The line might be insane, but worth it - plus you might see celebrities
-I wish i could say where to go in Little Italy. i've wondered into several spots with no big discernible name, but they were always delicious and most of them have a "secret menu" if you know what you're doing.


Other things to do
-Check out the old CBGB - 315 Bowery and Bleecker. its actually a store now by John Varvatos, but he's kept as much of it alive as he could without taking anything away - fixtures, floorings, walls, etc.
-if you're buying a trinket or clothing from a stand on the street you can almost always cut a deal when you buy more than 1 of stuff. boot leg dvds, belts, shirts, etc.



not sure what else to suggest...
not all new yorkers are rude, but many are. please walk with purpose or you might be trampled. many cops that are posted in public places are friendly and have great suggestions.
If something or some place feels sketchy, just leave.
Carry hand sanitizer and use it.


Have fun,

Terr

its never gonna be the same

There's a version of me that had long hair (shoulder length or more), a leather dog collar around my neck, leather cuffs and hair ties on my wrists, and generally care-free attitude. "Long hair - don't care," was my motto and I basically said and did whatever I wanted with no regard to any possible consequence. I hung out with whoever wanted to hang. I moshed whenever there was moshing to be done. I drank whatever was put in front of me. I partied where ever people were partying.

I eventually grew up and cut my hair. Pretty simple. Now I can go on about all the different reasons and what in my life changed when this all occurred, and all the stuff that has happened since, but I won't.

Cutting my hair was my way of accepting that life was going to change and my pursuit of becoming a Bayani Warrior.

Bayani Warrior is more than just a Filipino Martial Arts group. More than just name of the group. It's an aspiration. To be a Bayani is to be a hero in every sense of the word - placing the needs of others before your own - knowing that what is doing right isn't always doing what is easy. Being a Warrior isn't about being able to knuckle up and fight - knowing how and when to fight, how to approach situations, how to approach life.

There isn't a map or hand book to become a Bayani Warrior. Nor is it easy. If it was easy, then everyone would be one.

The long hair me, is me from a simpler time in my life. Few responsibilities. Few consequences. As much as I would like to go back to that sometimes, I know that I'll never be able to go back to that. Even if i grew my hair back out, life wouldn't be like the way it used to be. Life changed. I changed.
There's no turning back.




this entry is far too serious. pretend i just said something funny about farts or male genitalia.

it's going to be a good day

It's 6:40am. I just looked out to the sky and saw the sky was a mix of blue, purple, pink and orange. I remember the last time I saw the sky like this. If memory serves me right, it was the end of July in 2003 and I was laying in my bedroom when I noticed my white walls had an odd tint on them from the light coming through my east facing windows. I sat up and looked at the sun's reflection off of the top of the George Washington Bridge.

I got up and went to the roof of my apartment building and sat against a wall and watched the sky gradually change color. Faintly I could hear showers running and the furious chorus of my neighbors hair dryers going as they got ready for work. I could smell the bread being baked in the bakery behind my apartment. The hum of cars below as their engines were being warmed up.

When the skies had finally lost their beautiful hues, I went back down to my apartment and said bye to my mom as she left for work. I sat at my computer and told a friend what I had seen. She told me that today is called the present because it is a gift.

foot prints in the sand

Last week I got to spend some time at Monmouth Beach, here in NJ. I've never been there and found it to be pretty clean and it was pretty empty since college kids are gone and a storm out some where made the water un-swim-able(sp? maybe not even a word, but you get it).
Not having any plans for the day, I decided to take a stroll down the shore, just above where the water hit the sand. I walked about 2 miles until I hit the barrier for the private beach and walked back.

As I walked back to where I started, I found that my own footprints were hard to recognize as I tried to literally retrace my steps. I thought about it and realized that it was a metaphor. As you get older, you get to a point in life where when you look back, your former self is almost unrecognizable to who you are now. And that's not a bad thing as long as you got to where you were going in a way that you wouldn't be ashamed of how you did it.



oh damn, that bordered on being deep huh?
INSERT PENIS JOKE HERE






-
T

Not a vegetarian anymore

I've been a pescatarian/vegetarian for the past 2 years now. The only kind of meat that I've eaten has been fish; no beef, pork, chicken, fowl etc. It's been a really healthy way to live and I've enjoyed it and never felt inconvenienced by it. No matter where I've gone out to eat, there's always been something on the menu that I could enjoy.


I got into it because I wanted lose some excess weight and heard that this could be a good way to do it and it was. I no longer felt weighed down by what was in my stomach and I felt healthier.


After I had lost some weight and was considering going back to normal eating habits, a friend of mine showed me the "Meet Your Meat," video from PETA. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIjanhKqVC4
I felt disgusted by the common practices of the meat industry and decided that I would continue being a vegetarian as a protest against the industry.


I have found and validated the idea that we, as Americans, live in a society where we don't have to eat meat and conform to the average world. We can choose to lead a cruelty-free life style (which I encourage) and not eat meat or purchase goods containing animal by-products or were tested on animals. heck alot of the things on store shelves are cruelty-free and you can easily make the switch. Things you may not have known were already vegan: http://www.peta2.com/stuff/s-accvegan.asp
PETA2 has a bunch of links and search engines to help you along with some cruelty free food and clothing shopping http://shopcrueltyfree.peta2.com/index.aspx


here it comes...


I have come to realization that as an American and vegetarian, I've become poorly prepared for disasters, some of which experts are saying are inevitable; natural catastrophes, economic collapse, terrorist attacks, social collapse. How am I so unprepared? well if the "shit hits the fan" and the power grids go off, well then the contents of my fridge will only get through a few hours to a few days before they become hazardous to eat. If soil outside is contaminated,then the vegetables in the garden won't be safe to consume. If things get really bad and my personal stockpile is depleted (eaten or stolen) and the dude next door can offer me a can of spam, how am i supposed to refuse that? And if I do take it and eat it, will this be a time when I'll be hunched over feeling like garbage because my body is having a hard time breaking down the food. What if I am hunched over and I can't make a run for it or my family is being attacked by looters? How about if I'm forced into the woods and the only source of food are bugs and the animals that can be hunted?


I'm not saying that vegetarians and vegans are screwed when a disaster happens, but I do think that they will encounter more hardships.
I'm not saying that vegetarianism is lame or anything - I highly encourage people to try it.
I'm not saying that I'm going to go eat big slabs of steak from now on either, I just won't be a strict pescatarian/vegetarian.

What I am saying is that bad things happen. And you have to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. And no longer being a strict vegetarian is a way that I'm doing this.



I have more reasons for doing this, but this is the main reason. Email or message me if you want to discuss those reasons or anything else.



Be Safe,
T

missing you

nope not anyone in particular

this weekend i happened to see a bunch of people that i haven't seen for long periods of time. for a couple of them, i didn't realize how much i missed them until i was like "holy shit! where've you been?" and then i proceeded to think about them for a day or two.

and then there's people that i know that i miss, that i try to avoid seeing because of the feelings that will arise.

oh well...

-
Terr

Thoughts on The Little Mermaid

Disney's The Little Mermaid is an all time classic. There's a cute little red head, big powerful white dude calling the shots, fat chick screwing things up, a couple big songs, some cute talking animals, clergy dude with a boner - the movie has it all.

I recently watched the movie with my 3 year old niece and enjoyed the fuck out of it. Then I realized something. Ariel is kind of a douche bag; she constantly runs late, she's never focused, gets her friends chased by sharks, disobeys her father, etc. She does nothing, but fuck up for 83 minutes. She's not even the one that takes out Ursula, she's too busy at the bottom of the whirlpool being a little dipshit - it's Eric driving his piece of shit boat into Ursula's titty.
So what did we learn?
it's ok for girls to fuck shit up because there's always gonna be a dude around to fix it. excellent. at least the songs are catchy.

Starburst and Skittles aren't vegetarian/vegan friendly

I emailed the candy company last week trying to see if Starburst and Skittles are kosher or vegetarian/vegan friendly.
This is what I received today:

In response to your email regarding STARBURST FRUIT CHEWS.

Thanks for your email.

The gelatin used in our SKITTLES BITE SIZE CANDIES is derived from beef.

The gelatin used in our STARBURST FRUIT CHEWS is also derived from beef with the exception of our STARBURST GUMMIBURSTS where the gelatin is derived from pork.

We hope this information is helpful.

Have a great day!

Your Friends at Mars Snackfood US


I assume that since it doesn't say "kosher," that it probably isn't.
I hope this helps somebody.


-TerrHimself

how was your day?

You mocked me from behind the glass.
You hoped that you wouldn't be seen,
But I saw you...
You shook as you came closer.
You saw the ground far beneath you.
I was not going to catch you
I was going to let you fall right before my eyes.
And I did
and when you fell from grace I smiled.
I picked you up and devoured you.


Munchos





Today at work, I really wanted a bag of Munchos from the vending machine but there was a bag of Ruffles infront of them. I've been waiting more than a week for someone to buy these damn Ruffles so I could get to the munchos. I couldn't take it anymore so I bought the Ruffles to get to the Munchos.
AND THEY WERE FUCKING DELICIOUS

home for the holidays

For many people, home is where they grew up, where there parents live, where the family gathers for holidays and such. I've been trying to get a handle on this whole home thing for a while now.

Two years ago my mother got married and moved out to Florida and shortly after, I moved out of the apartment that I grew up in. I didn't think too much about it at the time since I was living with my sister and her baby. I also didn't think too much about it because I had been thinking of my girlfriend's home in Florida as my own. There was a mom who cooked, a dad working in the garage, a dog to play with and feed bacon and spam when no one was looking, a front lawn to be mowed, a pool in the backyard, and a warm body sleeping next to me.

Well as is the case with all good things, the girlfriend didn't last and neither did my idea of a home. After that happened, it took me a while, but I decided that where ever my family was - especially my sister and the kid - that was my home. It was nice. I would work, pick up Kaya, play with her, go home, eat dinner with my sister, and do my thing. Some nights we'd pick eat out with Craig or pick up pizza for my sister on the way home. Some nights we'd color together after dinner or watch DWTS, Am.Idol, or Jon&Kate+8, or some other show. I'd always give her a kiss good night. On weekend mornings Kaya would wake me up if it was pancake-Saturday or to color or play. And then eventually, that ended too. They moved to their own place and I picked up the lease, stayed and got a couple roommates.

I was walking home from the bank and ended up seeing houses with cars in the drive way and big Christmas trees in the window. It messed me up a little and made me walk slower. Made me homesick for a place that only exists in my mind. Familiar smells from the kitchen. Kaya laughing in the living room. The lame white 4 foot tree placed on the coffee table and adorned with Neiman Marcus ornaments bought for 80% off after various new years sales.

I'm bumming myself out.

For all those headed for the polls

If you intend to vote Tuesday/today,

You better know what the fuck you are doing. If you don't know what a particular candidate supposedly stands for or what the proposition is saying, STAY YOUR DUMB ASS AT HOME!

If you need some help:







how bout you just stay home? how about that?

getting stuck

Hot damn. It is insanely easy to get stuck in a half crappy job. When I was let go from my previous job in March and was picked up by the one I have now, it was only supposed to be for a little while. It was only supposed to be so that I can pay my rent and bills until I found a new job. My acquaintance that gave me this job knew about the situation.
When I tried to leave, my store gave me more money. They told me that they needed me. We all started to become friends and I felt obligated to stay. So I stayed.
I accepted my fairly ok/lousy pay, new connections, and that was that.
I've enjoyed the job security and structure of the operation at the cost of continuing my job search. That was probably my own fault.
I've been with the company for 6 months now. The store closed, we're doing everything online and over the phone, and my position of Manager-technician is now Manager-sales rep. I'm back working sales which is something I don't particularly enjoy. Although, I've made it well known of my intentions to leave and have been tirelessly scouring the internet for a new job, my boss still likes to include me in future plans.


To the random people that are reading this and are looking for jobs too, keep hope alive. My friend just landed a job and it took him 2 weeks to solidify it and he was without a job for quite a while. Fortunately he's in a totally different industry so it's not like we were going after the same job.
I think I'm gonna put up a random post on my xanga so go find it!

growing up...forreal? damn

OK, well I graduated a week ago today. I officially have a Bachelors of Arts in English from FDU. That's pretty wild. I feel the dark cloud of adulthood looming over me.

I have an interesting few months ahead of me.

more news soon.


-Terr

van!!!!!!!!

UCK...

got home from the city an hour ago, not even a bar...
I had to present a check to a charity that my school's Filipino club raised money for. Left early, the car barely started, went down a block and a half and the car fucking died. Took about 2 hours for road side assistance to come and give me a boost - we all thought it was the battery. I drive 2 more blocks and the car fucking died again. Got some dude to give me a boost, and it died less than half a block away. I called the 1st company that came and they were like, "its probably the alternator, we can't help you, call your insurance company again and have them send a tow truck - CLICK" Called roadside assistance and 2 hours and $88 later, I get the van back to Ft.Lee.

And somewhere between getting the 2nd boost, pushing my van to the curb, and calling for the tow truck, I cracked the screen on my cellphone

the damn van also failed emissions test last month and apparently it costs $650 to fix that. It would also cost another $200 to replace a missing bushing on my sway bar. $200 for a piece of rubber? WTF? REALLY?.

And yesterday I was finally emailed by FDU's risk management dept about a being reimbursed for my broken laptop. An improperly stored hickory tabletop that was leaning on a wall fell on my laptop bag and cracked the screen hardcore. The damage is $650 to repair. The laptop only cost $750...womp womp. The school is saying they're not responsible because they say that the table couldn't have fallen on its own (which it did) and they can't cover the damage of my personal property even though it was damaged by University property.

oh and i also got a $40 ticket from S.Orange for street parking after 9am which apparently is a no-no


and i just said, "no-no."

Fuck my life lol

if the zombie apocalypse was tomorrow, i would be happy as hell lol
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