For many people, home is where they grew up, where there parents live, where the family gathers for holidays and such. I've been trying to get a handle on this whole home thing for a while now.
Two years ago my mother got married and moved out to Florida and shortly after, I moved out of the apartment that I grew up in. I didn't think too much about it at the time since I was living with my sister and her baby. I also didn't think too much about it because I had been thinking of my girlfriend's home in Florida as my own. There was a mom who cooked, a dad working in the garage, a dog to play with and feed bacon and spam when no one was looking, a front lawn to be mowed, a pool in the backyard, and a warm body sleeping next to me.
Well as is the case with all good things, the girlfriend didn't last and neither did my idea of a home. After that happened, it took me a while, but I decided that where ever my family was - especially my sister and the kid - that was my home. It was nice. I would work, pick up Kaya, play with her, go home, eat dinner with my sister, and do my thing. Some nights we'd pick eat out with Craig or pick up pizza for my sister on the way home. Some nights we'd color together after dinner or watch DWTS, Am.Idol, or Jon&Kate+8, or some other show. I'd always give her a kiss good night. On weekend mornings Kaya would wake me up if it was pancake-Saturday or to color or play. And then eventually, that ended too. They moved to their own place and I picked up the lease, stayed and got a couple roommates.
I was walking home from the bank and ended up seeing houses with cars in the drive way and big Christmas trees in the window. It messed me up a little and made me walk slower. Made me homesick for a place that only exists in my mind. Familiar smells from the kitchen. Kaya laughing in the living room. The lame white 4 foot tree placed on the coffee table and adorned with Neiman Marcus ornaments bought for 80% off after various new years sales.
I'm bumming myself out.
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2 comments:
wow. so i finally get around to reading this like three weeks late & shit. it depressed the shit out of me.
to make matters worse, the house is all decked out for christmas and the apartment/hotel is... well, a mess.
i hate my life.
Happy new year, buddy. I knew what it was like to be away from home and family when they moved west without me, but now that I'm here, I never realized how much I missed that feeling.
It's alright though. When my family left and my sister was too busy to celebrate, I had cousins and guys like Jake, Craig, Jeremy, and Ying to keep me company.
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